Monday, November 23, 2009

It shouldn't happen to anyone. . .

One of the things I decided after we lost our Christopher was that his death would never be for nothing. I chose to reach out and do my best to help others who lose their babies, it was the smallest thing that I could do. I know the pain in a way that someone who has never felt this loss knows it. No one out there who has not lost a child, a baby, knows how it feels the way those that have experienced the loss do.

There is a woman I met who lost her baby very close to our loss of Christopher, and we supported each other through it. Her loss was her second loss, but I can't imagine that the pain gets easier the second time around. We both ended up getting pregnant again, and were both due in June together. I really hoped this would be it for us, we would get to bring these babies home. I can never regret losing Christopher - not knowing that his death lead to this life growing inside of me. Not knowing that Christopher changed my life and that losing him has helped me to help others.

I found out today that she lost her baby. She was supposed to be ten weeks, the baby was only measuring around nine, and there was no heart beat. It seems such a cruel thing - I don't know that I have the strength in me to lose another baby, and to know that there are people out there that go through one loss after another hurts my heart in a way I can't describe.

No one should lose a baby, I just can't even think of the words to say to explain how much this hurts me. I know there is a chance this baby won't get to stay, but I try not to think about that. I've decided to love this baby even knowing Squish might not get to stay. I plan on loving Squish every second that they are here - however long that is, because I know that I don't get to choose how long that is.

I just ask that for those that can, say a small prayer. Say a prayer for those who have lost little ones, because that is a pain that never goes away. Pray for those who are pregnant and that they get to bring their babies home, happy and healthy. Pray for those who God is going to chose their babies time here is short - pray God gives them the strength in both heart and faith to make it through this.

I know my faith was questioned, and we just suffered one loss, I can't imagine where my heart would go if I have to deal with more than one.

I don't know if this makes sense to anyone - I just wish there was more that I could do, or say.

1 comment:

  1. I am sitting here today feeling to same sort of things. I feel so sad for the person you are talking about. I really thought she would return from her u/s with good news and I am simply devastated for her. :( Life is so unfair - the pain of loss is so hard and for those of us who have to deal with it over and over, it just seems so unfair and it is so devastating. You are truly gifted with your writing, Tammy. I enjoy reading your blog entries.

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